beginnings of summer

(because I have to have at least one photo for each post - and I can't show you my new work yet - here's an old photograph I took of a friend's child some time ago at a park)

(because I have to have at least one photo for each post - and I can't show you my new work yet - here's an old photograph I took of a friend's child some time ago at a park)

I've been shooting a lot lately since my Summer holidays started a couple of weeks ago. I'm trying to book a lot of shoots before I take a break for the rest of the year. Sometimes I'd hit two birds with one stone and have multiple shoots in the one day (Leon says the correct saying is 'kill' two birds with one stone but I don't like to kill) and I'd come home very late at night with aching shoulders and tired eyes. I've had to upgrade my SD cards to store more photos and hopefully I can save up enough money to upgrade my camera for the new year.

Leon is out of town and I've gone to realise how much I rely on him. He is on the other side of the hemisphere, exploring, learning and recording them all in video form and I want to chase after him and take pictures for memory's sake but I am here, taking pictures for myself.

An earthquake has erupted not far from where he stays in Japan and I still worry about him even though I know he is safe (I received a message from him saying that he misses me and I miss him even more so). He is my best friend after all. I want to show him all the photos I've taken before any one else sees them, I want to tell him about my good days and my bad days. But I guess it is good to have some time apart from each other. I need to learn to depend on myself a bit more.

I'm also becoming more courageous and have befriended some wonderful strangers over the last few weeks. On elevators and staircases and carparks and anywhere unpredictable. Most of them I will never see again and that's the sad truth of it all and without a photograph to remember it all, I feel this need to immortalise them in some stories now that I have more free time to sit and write.

I have family from interstate and from England coming over in the next couple of days for Christmas. Three families all staying under the one roof. It will be busy and chaotic and whimsical. I can't wait for it.

My Summer is already beginning to feel wonderful.

I am a dreamer

Ever since I was young, I've been made to abide and follow a certain method - unfortunately so widely accepted by society - on how to live my life correctly. It's been conditioned into my mind even more by my parents that one should go to school and graduate with some sort of qualification, work, work, work, move up the career ladder, buy a house, get married, have kids, work, work, work, retire, die.

I feel as though I was born  to work and make a living but my heart says otherwise. I was born to live, as in really live. I want to carry my feet across the land and explore the little wonders of life. I want to see life, feel life, and be life. I want to capture beauty in my photographs and inspire people to dream.

Whenever I'm having a conversation with my friends, more often than not the question of 'How's university?' will weave itself into there. I always reply with the same answer, 'I hate it.' I hate it because my essays and my writings don't stem from passion. I hate it because I feel as though I don't belong amongst the groups of studious peers. I hate it because I don't want to listen to another teacher tell me about life. University just isn't for me. My grades have suffered and dropped with every month that goes by but my passion for taking photos has bloomed.

I get disheartened every time my mother tells me to stop dreaming, to get my head out of the clouds and put it back into my textbooks. I cringe every time my father would remind me for the umpteenth time that his only wish is for me to finish university with flying colours and get a top job earning lots of money. And it frustrates me. It frustrates me even more when I can't even express how I feel towards this mainly because of the language barrier and because they wouldn't accept what my dreams in life are.

It was recently that I started to fall in love with photography. My youth has been hard and heavy. It is ugly and often filled with tears that was made out of frustration and anger. I am a bird with clipped wings, caged up in a place where my parents have set many limitations. I try to fly, but I can't. I am a dreamer amongst the traditions embedded deep in my parents' minds. But although I feel trapped inside these four brick walls, I found love which made me find beauty in things people often miss - and I captured this beauty with a camera and I loved it. Beauty was forever frozen in a little frame that I could always look back on.

Capturing life is a way for me to speak in a place where I am mute. I want to take photographs forever.


(my first 'photoshoot' with my baby cousin wearing my clothes. taken when I was 12 with a disposable film camera I received as a gift for Christmas)

(my first photoshoot with a friend. taken 7 years later with a digital slr camera I bought for myself for Christmas)